Love and Warfare: Who Keeps the Engagement Ring in the Event of a Breakup?

They say love is eternal, but sometimes it just doesn't last. Each year, thousands of engaged couples across the United States decide to end their engagement. After the confusion and chaos of the breakup subsides, the question often becomes "What happens to the engagement ring?". An engagement ring is often representative of many weeks of the future groom's income and therefore a valuable and sought after item by both parties. Lucky, the courts in both New York and New Jersey have made it clear what the law dictates in this difficult situation.

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According to both NY and NJ law, an engagement ring is an example of a "conditional gift". Normally, a gift is considered freely given with "no strings attached" and therefore legally belongs to the recipient of the gift, even if the donor has later regrets or the relationship has a bad outcome. An engagement ring, however, is different in nature. An engagement ring is given as part of a promise to marry, or in other words, a gift given on the condition of marriage. If the marriage does not occur, the condition is not fulfilled. Therefore, the ring legally belongs to the purchaser of the gift and the ring must be returned in the case of a breakup.

It is important to understand the legalities of a situation like this one if you are considering engagement. It is not uncommon for couples who decide to break up before they are legally married to spend time, effort and money in a legal battle over the engagement ring. Many people mistakenly believe that the ring should stay with the person who called off the engagement, or the "promise breaker". They are then disappointed to find out that the courts of New York and New Jersey do not try to assign fault to one party or another in these cases. Since New York and New Jersey are no fault divorce states, which means people are not penalized or awarded during their divorce proceedings according to their part in the breakup of the marriage, it follows that they must also be "no fault engagement" states.

However, there are a few exceptions to this rule. If the ring is a family heirloom, the courts will usually, but not always, rule that it should be returned back to that family. As an attorney with extensive experience in Matrimonial Law, I would suggest that if you are considering using a family heirloom ring as an engagement ring, you should also consult an attorney and to draft a prenuptial agreement that specifies what happens to the ring in the event of a breakup or divorce. As an attorney, I advise my clients to consider a prenuptial agreement in many different situations.

Another exception is the case where the engagement ring was given during Christmas, a birthday, or other holiday. In some cases courts, based upon the particular facts of the case, have ruled rings given on special occasions as simply a gift instead of an engagement ring. If you have a case like this, it is in your best interest to consult an attorney who can advise you of the particulars of your case.

If you have a Matrimonial issue and are in need of legal assistance, feel free to contact me at 718-317-5007.

- Kevin McKernan